sarah margaret girl

We lost our Bart Bart last night. He had salmon poisoning. We didn’t know until it was too late.

He just turned a year old last month. He was just a little guy. The sweetest boy in the world.

I am still deep in shock.

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I am crushed. I have a lot of experience with losing animals and this one is by far the hardest.

He was just a baby! We should have had so many more years together. I am beating myself up so much for not getting him help sooner. He seemed ok until he wasn’t.

I thought we were prepared with all his meds and all his fluids. I was ready to do the work, but it was too much for his body. Parasites are the worst! How can something so small take so much?

I am sick of crying. I am sick of being sad. I am still lost in denial and coming out of shock.

I just want to go out in the barnyard and see him there and give him a stick.

This is the first novella that I have listened to. I loved the idea of another character’s view of the story.

📚

The sun is shining and the sky is blue! Glorious. It has been gloomy and stormy. Rain and wind yesterday. I like the rain but not the mud it creates. Chris has done a great job of making paths around the farm but everywhere else is mud. I am an Oregon girl so I do get rain. Rain has been my whole life. The wind is a bit overwhelming. The wind can destroy an easy in seconds. Rip it away. When we lived in town there was wind but we were sheltered. Here we are exposed. This is one of those things I hadn’t thought about in moving. I love living on ten acres but it is really open.
I do so much indoor desk computer work that the rain doesn’t bother me. It is Chris that needs dry and sunny. He works so hard outside all day. It makes his life so much easier.

I feel like all I have done is discuss the new year. Yeah yeah yeah. The new year is exciting. I never realized how January feels like a baby spring. I have been going through the seed and chick catalogs. I sorted through our leftover seeds too. It feels so good and exciting. I think the hope and promise of gardening is my favorite part. Picking out seeds, starting seeds, watching them grow, blooms, fruit and then eating. Dream come true.

I feel more ready for this summer than last. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know what to do with a quarter acre of garden space. This year I will use those lessons and learn some new ones. It is going to be amazing!

I have always wanted to feel ready for the new year. You know, excited and inspired. Energized. It has always seemed like nothing new. This year feels different! Exciting and new! Open, ready and full of all the possibilities.

I am fell happy. I am feeling ready for this. I am really happy living on the farm, but I want more. I want order out of chaos. I want systems. I want more creative time. I want to feel stronger. I want easy. I am thinking more and more about FARNEWT. A word I made up to remind me what was important. Festive, Authentic, Radiant, Nourished, Ease, Whimsical, and Thriving. A few years ago, I came up with it. I had to pick two words on how I wanted to feel. Being me, I went with seven words…

Festive. I want more celebrations, more joy, and cheer.

Authentic. I want to be more genuine, accurate, and true.

Radiant. I want more shine, love, and health.

Nourished. I want more contentment, sustenance and nurturing.

Ease. I want more peace, calm, and order.

Whimsical. I want to be more playful, excitable, and mischievous.

Thriving. I want more flourish, to prosper, and grow vigorously.

I want these words to be my life. I want this to be how I feel every day. I am excited to embrace them again. To open myself up to fun and happiness. To grow and evolve. I feel the energy of this last New Moon of 2019. I am ready for more. I am not entirely sure what it will look like, but it will be cool!

Sorry pals this post has moved.